On January 8th, 2020. My world as I knew it stopped and my life changed forever. My son Caleb died. Caleb was 18 years old. He was a senior in high school. He was a kind, big-hearted person. He was always willing to help anyone and everyone who needed it. He loved his family, friends, fishing, and pizza. His favorite pastime in the world was annoying his little sister.
On the evening of 1/8/20, a Wednesday, I received the phone call every parent tries to never think about receiving but deep down always fears. Caleb was gone, he left for his after-school job that day around 3 pm, and I never saw him again, he never came home.
To say I struggled is an enormous understatement. I found there simply weren’t enough resources to help people find their way home and out of grief. I did not know what to do or where to turn or how to pull myself out of the dark place I was in.
I knew I had to make a choice. I needed to choose to live or let myself die, too. I chose to live for my daughter, and I knew intuitively and in my heart that this experience would help me heal others someday, so I choose to live and began to search for a way to heal.
I tried therapists, coaching, and every type of energy healing. Everything helped a little. Nothing helped a lot until I found the Grief Recovery Method. This approach, which is a core component of how I help my clients, blends together all my modalities as a coach, intuitive, and expert and removes that heavy sinking feeling around your grief.
After completing this program, I felt better. I was not the same person I was before Caleb died but I could feel I would be ok. I noticed when the sun was shining again and this program helped me let go of that horrible devastating feeling that carried in my heart - it instead allowed me to hold on to all the amazing parts of Caleb. I let him in more - and his memories came back to me too. I still have days that are very hard, emotions that truly tear out my heart, but I have many more good days than bad. When I do have one bad day, I know now how to allow the emotions in, and I know how to better cope with them.
Not a day goes by that I do not think about Caleb. The memories of his goofy smile or the silly things he used to do bring warmth to my heart. Healing will be lifelong, but I am living again and finally both inhale and exhale again.